We had been going to the hospital almost every other week to take blood and do my CA 125 (cancer marker) test because my counts had begun to elevate. One day after the last test I was sipping my morning coffee and getting ready to head out to my first client of the day. The phone rang and when I looked at caller ID I saw it was the hospital. My nurse on the other end of the phone asked, “Have you had anything to eat or drink yet this morning?” I replied “Not really, why?”, as I set my coffee mug down on the counter. “Can you be here in an hour for a CT Scan?” she asked. “Sure, no problem.”

So I called a close friend, let’s call her Pam Squared hypothetically, and asked if she could bring me to the test because if you’ve read my tips in Laughing in the Face of Cancer, tip #5 says never go to any appointments alone. So I called my client and postponed and hopped in Pam’s SUV for a trip to the hospital. I think Pam Squared might have been a bit nervous or maybe she thought I was nervous, because she talked about everything under the sun.

We walked into the Imaging Center waiting room to find it full of other patients anxious to complete their tests and move on with their day. I was approached by a technician who presented me with a large container of yellow liquid and asked me to drink all of it in the next 30 minutes. He called it “Lemonade flavored Crystal Lite”. It didn’t taste at all like Crystal Lite nor did it taste anything like Lemonade.

I proceeded to drink the concoction and winced as I swallowed. Pam Squared continued with her stories even though I was only half listening. I was concentrating on keeping the liquid down and holding it in as well. Lots of muscles involved in both and requires a lot of focus.

The technician came out after the half hour only to tell us that they were running late and they’d be out to get me in another 30 minutes or so. Now I had consumed all of the liquid and needed to hold it not only until I got into the room but also throughout the CT Scan which usually lasts 20-30 minutes. I was getting more nervous now.

Pam Squared continued with stories of family, work, skiing, friends, and so on. She entertained everyone who entered the waiting room.

Finally it was my turn and I was hesitant to stand up quickly thinking a flood might ensue. Thankfully, I have great muscles in that area and was able to waddle down the hall to the CT Scan room. The technician was one of three, two women and one man. The technicians would be positioned in a room adjacent to this one separated by a glass window which had a curtain.

One of the women came out from the room and offered me two Johnnys that I would wear during the procedure. I asked where I could change and she said “you can just change here and put your clothes on the sink over there”. She and the other technicians escaped to the room and closed the curtain. When I was finished I called out and again the same technician returned. I explained that I had a port in my chest and needed the port accessed for them to administer the dye which they would use for the test.

The technician said they would need to call a nurse to access the port. In the meantime I was feeling a lot of pressure in the “you know where area” as I tried to hold my Lemonade flavored Crystal Lite concoction. The technician said it would be a few minutes and again joined her co-workers behind the curtain, still closed.

I sat on the gurney trying not to think of the pressure. A few minutes later, someone knocked on the door, the same door I had entered. I looked around but no one but I heard it. I cleared my throat thinking the technicians might hear me and come in. They didn’t. Again, a knock on the door. I was pretty desperate at this point and hoped it was the nurse that would access my port. So I got up, closed my Johnny from behind, went up to the door and asked, “Who is it?”

Thankfully it was a nurse who did in fact access and port and allow the scan to happen. In the end, I only had to hold the Lemonade for 65 minutes in all, a new record for me! And Pam Squared entertained at least 25 patients while I was gone!